It’s back-to-school season and change seems to be in the air. Piper isn’t starting school this year but there is a big BIG change on the horizon. She is starting daycare! Only two days a week, but even still it feels like a huge milestone in both her life, and mine. I’ve struggled with sharing this news on my blog because I am having a lot of mom guilt about it. While I know it will be so good for her I still feel a bit like I’m failing as a mom (specifically as a stay-at-home mom) if I admit I need some help. The very definition of a SAHM is being a full-time parent to your kids, right? So what does that mean when I send my kid to daycare two days a week?
I moved to a new city while I was pregnant with Piper and as a result forfeited the support system of family and friends I’ve had my entire life. I was so happy to be staying home with Piper and in the beginning it was exactly what I hoped it would be. A lot of long days but a lot of snuggles and thankfully some incredible mom friends to support me through it all. But I am at the point now where I feel like I could…no, WILL benefit from some time apart from Piper. Ugh, even typing that makes me cringe. What kind of mom wants to be away from her kid? I never thought I would be that mom. But Piper thrives around other kids and honestly I’m a better mom when I’ve had some time away from her. I forget what it’s like to miss her!
I wish I could just drop Piper off at my mom’s house for some “Nana” time so I could run errands or go to an appointment, but that’s not an option in this season of life. So after a lot of careful research we found a daycare that had a philosophy we loved. And by some stroke of the luck she got in after just two months on the waiting list! Daycare will have so many amazing benefits for her. Not only will she be learning and growing with teachers specifically trained to educate her age group, it’s also a great way for her to socialize with other kids. I guess I have mixed feelings about it all because I have friends who are SAHM’s slaying mom life and don’t have their kids in any kind of childcare. Oh yeah, and they do it without any help from family! But this is me being very vulnerable and saying that while I know I could do it (I mean, I HAVE been doing it for 1.5 years) I think Piper and I will both benefit from this next stage.
And while it’s not school, but it definitely feels like a new phase of motherhood. Another step in letting go and allowing her to grow into the person she is meant to be. And while I feel like I should be nervous about it, I’ll be candid again and say I’m actually not nervous at all. I am really, really excited. I can’t wait to see all the new things she is going to learn. The friends she will make. The experiences she will have. And all the while I’ll be filling up my emotional piggy bank by doing things that make me a better mom. I like to think it will all be meal prep and deep cleaning but I hope I’ll give myself enough grace to enjoy it a little bit too.
I guess this post is just a way for me to write out my insecurities and tell you (and myself) that mom guilt is stupid. We are all doing our best and that’s ok. Actually it’s better than ok – it’s exactly what your kid needs. So during this season of change I hope you remember not to feel guilty about your #momlife and embrace the things that work for your family! Happy September!
Annie says
Wow I never thought about it in the context of if we lived near family we would likely be dropping our kiddos at grandmas at LEAST two days a week. That’s a wonderful way to frame it and honestly makes ME feel so much better too. Don’t feel guilty for one second! If
I had done something like this with Silas at Piper’s age I’d probably be a lot more sane and a much better mama! Good for you!!
Megan Joy says
You are an incredible mom and the fact that you moved to a new city while pregnant AND with a toddler is beyond me! It’s so true about having family around. I know my mom would be there to help me at least two days a week! I am SO thankful for the life I have but I can’t help but sometimes be a little envious of people who have a lot of family support. We are all doing our best and being the best moms for our kids!
Chelle says
I don’t think it’s something to feel guilty about at all. Separation from your child is necessary for both of you to grow and develop. And being a stay at home mom does not mean you don’t AT LEAST get two days off a week. It’s kind of insane to think you should be at your child’s beck and call 7 days a week, at all hours of the day.
I honestly don’t even know how you did your move with no family in the vicinity and survived it without becoming a complete basketcase from the lack of a support system (to start off, initially).
I’m glad you ended off your post by saying that mom guilt is stupid. I don’t think it’s stupid to feel it – that’s going to happen regardless I believe – but to let it take over how you feel about yourself and your relationship with your child is nuts. Good on you for speaking out. 🙂
Megan Joy says
It’s funny, I didn’t really think about it like that. But it’s true! There aren’t many jobs where you work 24/7 without some time off. I am thankful that James helps so much on the weekends and when he is home, but the days can sometimes feel VERY long when you have a baby attached to you (literally) the whole day haha!
I really did have a lot of guilt and worry about people judging me for sending her two days a week while being a SAHM. But thankfully everyone has been really supportive. So THANK YOU! <3
Shawna says
This will be good for both you and Piper! You’ll get some “you” time (or maybe just some quiet time to do the daily tasks, and sneak in a few minutes of “you” time), and Piper will be in a structured learning environment where she’ll learn things like sharing, singing, speaking, meeting new friends, and learning from teachers/adult authority figures that aren’t her mom and dad. This is awesome!
Megan Joy says
I wish you were here to teach her gymnastics and channel some of her crazy energy. She’d be doing backflips before you know it haha! But I guess daycare will have to do until we move back to Toronto one day! 🙂
Meg says
It sounds like you really put a lot of thought into this and found a new space for your daughter that will be beneficial to her in the end – and you. There is nothing wrong with making what you consider to be the right decision for your family. Remember – “comparison is the thief of joy.” So what if your SAHM colleagues are doing it differently? YOU get to decide what is best, and what you found for your child sounds pretty awesome.
Good luck managing this next step in your relationship to your daughter and to yourself!
Megan Joy says
Thank you so much! I think we all have these preconceived ideas of what motherhood will be like and often it’s completely different. I thought I would be home full time and thriving but I am at the point where I really do feel like some extra support and time apart will benefit us both.
I love what you said about deciding what’s best for MY child and as her mom I know what she needs. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and encouragement!
Pech says
No to mom guilt!!! It sounds like you are a very thoughtful mother who did a lot of research and contemplation before making a decision, and no guilt necessary even though inevitably, it surfaces – just shake if off and continue being awesome
Megan Joy says
Thank you for your comment! I think my guilt was more about judgement from other moms (and less about actually sending her to daycare which I am excited about) and I am so thankful that everyone has been so kind and supportive!
Eva says
What a big transition but you have such a fantastic attitude about it. Getting into a new routine is always tricky, but your motherly love is so clear in this post and getting into (and embracing!) the new rhythm will definitely happen!
Megan Joy says
Thanks so much for your kind words! It’s always challenging moving into a new routine like you said, but I hope she does really well!
Elaine says
Mom guilt is totally stupid! I haven’t been away from T for more than 3 hours I think! So I totally understand where you’re coming from. I do have family but I haven’t been able to just leave him for longer than that. I think day care is amazing for the both of you. She will learn so much from other kids and let’s face it…different adults! And I bet she’ll come home and teach you a few things too 😉
Megan Joy says
You know what, your comment made me realize that I don’t think I’ve been away from Piper for more than 5 hours and she’s a year and a half old! Haha! Even with an occasional babysitter it’s only ever been for 2-3 hours. This might be weirder for me than I think! 🙂
Hillary Harper says
I think it is the healthiest thing for you to do, both for yourself and your child, to be able to take a breather and find a little time for yourself. I don’t have children yet, but I hope that I have the grace as you do someday to admit that “me” time is important! Good luck with this new stage in Motherhood! 🙂
Megan Joy says
Having a slice of time for yourself is sooo important and you’ve got a great attitude towards it all for when you do have kiddos! Even if it’s an hour while they are napping – the dishes can wait! Sometimes you just need to read a book or have a cup of tea to recharge for the rest of the day 🙂 Thanks so much for commenting!
Marlynn | UrbanBlissLife says
I’m excited for both of you as you enter this new chapter. She’s going to learn and grow so much and so will you! 🙂 You’re right: mom guilt is lame, but it just takes on different forms as the kids get older and you all go through different phases. I think you’ve got a great attitude about this next exciting chapter for the two of you!
Megan Joy says
I’ve heard so many people say this! That the guilt or worry just changes and evolves as they get older because it’s kind of built in to being a mom lol We all just want the best for our kiddos!
Stef says
First, Piper has a really awesome nana, and I’m sure she’d love to watch her a couple days a week… If only you were local.
Second, yes… You are a SAHM but you’re also a blogger and that’s work. Think about the time you’ll be able to dedicate you that, uninterrupted.
You can’t be your best person, if you’re not taking care of you. Let’s be honest, the first thing to go when you’re constantly giving to others is yourself. This will give you some time you recharge, and enable you to rise up & be excited to put you’re mommy/wife hat back on.
Kids need to be socialized. She will grow and flourish, and that is part of being a mom… Sometimes it’s watching from the side lines while she is in daycare, letting someone who is trained in toddler development teach her.
People judged me for keeping my son in daycare while on maternity leave with my daughter… But he had me for a full year alone, and I wanted that for her. Plus, when I go back to work I didn’t want to find two daycare spots, and wasn’t willing to lose my current spot… Because I kept him in, they reserved a full time spot for her come January. It’s perfect.
Don’t let the mom guilt eat you up… She’ll do amazing, and you’ll be an even better mom for emotionally caring for yourself for the first time in a long time!!
Megan Joy says
I miss you Steph! Thank you SO much for that thoughtful comment. I never thought about it but that’s so lovely your daughter will get a year of on-one-on time with you just like your son did. That’s so great!
I am so stinkin’ excited to see all the things she is going to learn and the friends she will make. She starts tomorrow and I’m starting to feel less and less guilt at the big day approaches. Now I just feel excitement for her!
Denise says
The guilt will fade when you see Piper thrive and when you feel awesome after your day “off!” Sometimes I take vacation days from work and still take Harrison to day care! I’ll relax, prep a great dinner and pick him up early and take him to the park. You may be a stay at home mom, but you still wear more hats than just a mom hat!
Megan Joy says
This first week has been tough and she’s having a hard time transitioning but it’s only been two days and for the most part she seems to love it. And it has been unreal having those chunks of time to get things done (we just did half days this week). I already feel more on the ball!
Renee @ The Good Hearted Woman says
After raising five girls to adulthood, I can tell you, the biggest parenting mistakes I ever made (so far) have been because I bowed to social conventions or peer pressure… or Mom Guilt, and didn’t follow my gut (i.e., intuition. still small voice). Whatever you want to call it, Listen. It sounds like your gut is telling you that this is going to be a great thing – for both of you. Trust yourself, little mama.
Megan Joy says
I am getting better at having confidence in that voice, but it’s been hard. As a first time mom (and I’m sure you can relate) everything is so new and most of it is trial and error. But time has shown me that my gut is always right when it comes to Piper. Thank you so much for commenting!